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Beside

A stack, not a single story

Layers of trauma

Talk to the layer that is in the room. If the body is in survival, skip meaning. If the wound is institutional, private empathy without naming the system can feel like gaslighting. Select a layer.

  1. 01The eventWhat happened
  2. 02The bodyNervous system and survival physiology
  3. 03AttachmentWho was there, who wasn't, who caused it
  4. 04SelfShame, fragments, 'I am the trauma'
  5. 05Memory and timeFlashback, blank, omen, delay
  6. 06MeaningWorldview, justice, future, God
  7. 07LineageWhat was inherited
  8. 08SystemsInstitutions, identity, the room around the room

Layer 05

Memory and time

Lenore Terr, MD, distinguished Type I (single-blow) trauma, often with detailed, etched memory, from Type II (repeated) trauma, often with denial, numbing, and dissociation. van der Kolk showed that traumatic memory can return as image, smell, and posture rather than a story with a past tense. The body is in 'now' when the mind is supposed to be in 'then.'

How it can feel

  • A smell or date yanking them backward
  • Losing hours, or remembering too well
  • Nightmares that don't feel like dreams
  • Anniversaries that arrive in the body first

Talk here

  • If they are reliving, orient to the present: your name, the room, the year, that they are not alone.
  • Ask what would help this minute, not what the memory 'means.'
  • Respect that some memories may never be fully narrated, and that is not failure (Rothschild).

Skip

  • Do not make them 'get it all out' in one sitting. Peter Levine, PhD, and Babette Rothschild warn against flooding.
  • Do not treat inconsistency as deceit.
  • Do not surprise them with a memorial, a movie, or a news clip 'to honor' their experience.

Who this draws on

Lenore C. TerrBessel van der KolkPeter A. LevineBabette RothschildFrank W. Putnam